Life, Her Hell that Holds Love
by VivGlam
Summary: Life seems to return normal, when most BO members are captured, Gin is shot dead, the antidote of APTX 4869 is created successfully... Haibara's heart aches, seeing Shinichi returns to Ran. But really, who Shinichi is having in his heart? And what will happen when Vermouth comes for Haibara and seeks for revenge? Rated M for you know why.
1. Chapter 1: Six Degrees of Separation

**Life, Her Hell that Holds Love**

_Disclaimer: I wish I own DC, but obviously I don't._

_Word count: 1335_

_A/N: Hello there! This is my first multi-chaptered DC fanfic. In each chapter, I'll use a song as title and quote the lyrics. There is no specific reason for that, it's just because I love DC and I love the songs._

_Also, dear all, no matter you are a ShinRan fan or a CoAi fan, prepare for heartbreak. As a writer, I am good at nothing but breaking your heart into million tiny shattered pieces. (It almost feels like my destiny...)_

_By the way, I'm writing in Haibara's POV. Also, no specific reason, it's just that I understand her best among all the DC characters._

_Review please!_

_Characters: Haibara Ai (not going to call her Shiho in this fic), Kudo Shinichi, Akai Shuichi_

**Chapter 1: Six Degrees of Separation**

The music is so loud that it pierces my ear, the people around are dancing like there's no tomorrow, the mixture of various perfumes smells awful that it hurts my nose. Good. With all around me amplified, it feels like I'm so weak and small, as if I exist no more than a silent phantom.

I hold the glass of liquor with my trembling hands, and empty whatever it is in my cup. The trembling of my hands seems to be worsening along with my headache. I can't remember what I am gulping in, letting the sensation of alcohol burns in my mouth, throat, slowly to my lungs.

Funny that they say mixing up liquor will make you get drunk a lot faster than usual, because no matter how much I drink, I can never lose my consciousness. The only thing I get is headache, severely threatening my senses, making my vision blur and hearing obscure. I smirk. Can I even stand on my feet now?

The glasses of liquor of different colour lie on the bar in front of me. I count; there are still 7 out of a dozen to go. The scent of alcohols struggle themselves out of the odour of cheap perfumes to reach my nostril, luring me to finish them one by one.

I grab another glass of unknown liquor; with my eyes closed, I pour it into my full-of-nothing-but-alcohols stomach, all the way down my throat. I'd never appreciate alcohols, never in my life, not only that the BO names the members after alcohols, but also, my first is lost, because Gin forced me to drink and raped me afterwards.

My body shivers, almost automatically as I think of the silver-haired man. I immediately drink another glass of liquor, as if it can calm me down. I'm still getting used to the fact that I'm free now, at least free from Gin.

He's dead. Two weeks ago, with the clues that Shinichi, no, Kudo managed to collect, the FBI and CIA, with the aid of Japanese police force, had successfully captured large amount of BO members, Gin and Chianti, as a result of revolting, got shot to death. Vermouth, however, remains missing, and is wanted by both FBI and CIA.

With most of the members captured and the remained flee, the BO headquarter is unoccupied and monitored by both FBI and CIA. Due to the reasons, I manage to go back to headquarter and obtain the data of APTX 4869. Shortly afterwards, with the missing piece of puzzle found, the time limit of the antidote is overcame.

Kudo and I change back to our adult form, followed by everything returning normal. Naturally, Kudo heads back to Ran.

I wished them happiness, as I saw the two of them hugged, Kudo with a genuine smile, Ran with joyful tears. I knew this is what meant to be, a happy ending, childhood valentines ending up together, like prince and princess in fairy tales.

So why am I burning in the flame of endless grief and sorrow, like a ghost being excruciated in the eternity flame of hell?

As I gulp in the 7th or 8th glass of liquor, I can't remember exactly, I lose my count, a man in his early 20's approach. I glare, finding him to be a foreigner, dirty blond shoulder length hair, round and huge hazel eyes, slightly pale full lips, 6 feet decent-built body. Attractive, but no man can be compared over him.

"Sexy, English speaking?" he flirts. It's American accent he has.

I nod, somehow grinning. Who cares if sex is exactly what in his mind? It's already not my first, and I'm going to take a flight London tomorrow night. One-night stand with an American hottie may be just what I need for a farewell.

Like I believe all that shit is gonna heal my soul, well it's not.

I'm only doing things out of desperation.

"What's nice girl like you doing in a place like this?" he asks, trying hard to sound like a big flirt. Amateur, the word crosses my mind as I sneer.

"Drinking," I say with a cold smile, raising my glass to his eye level, "don't you have eyes to see, sweetie?" I add in coquettish word and tone in my common sarcasm without any difficulty. It's never a big deal to hide what I'm truly feeling, never but around him, who sees through me...

"Well," he tries to hold back a smile which is of a mixture-of-kinky-and-shy, but fails, "can I join in your lonely circle?"

"No," I answer simply, adding flirtatious lines to calm his nerves as I see him to be at his wits end, "I'll join your lonely circle. I think you'll look good on me."

"Hey dude!" I heard a familiar man's voice speaking in English, milliseconds after I feel the uneasy feeling that rises in me every time... "What are you doing? She's my woman!"

Poor thing... The American shy boy quickly murmurs sorry and getaway. It amuses me that, moments before he thought he had got me hooked up, now all left for him is the fear of picking up a fight at a nightclub. It must hurts, how the sensation of erection in his jeans turns into the sensation of almost peeing in his jeans.

I turn around, to find no one but Akai Shuichi standing behind me. Okiya Subaru revealed himself as Akai Shuichi not long after the showdown between BO and the law enforcement authorities. Unsurprisingly, Kudo had already figured it out, sooner than anyone, when all along I only consider the theory as a suspicion.

"Leave, unless you want to take his place," I say, sounding intimidatingly. Somehow I regret speaking that way, I don't mean it. It doesn't matter with anyone else, but he's the man my sister loved.

He raises an eyebrow to me, apparently amused, like watching an eight-year-old frowning. I ignore him and continue with my drinking task. "Go home," my about-to-get-slightly-drunk mind hear him, the effect of alcohol doesn't make things vague, but make them more intense.

"What?" I smirk at his seeming concerned face, wondering since when do I have a home, before realizing he means Professor Agasa's.

"See?" Unexpectedly, he points to the other corner of the nightclub. Over the annoying disco light and bombing loud music, that person is drinking in the lounge. Despite the vision is blur, the vivid image of him makes my heart skips a beat. I gasp.

"See that guy there?" Akai raises his voice, thanks to the loud music; he needs to literally shout at me, as I'm already leaving my seat. I fight against the dizziness to stay conscious, to be able to make my way to him.

"Take him home! I'm so regret that I bring him here! Now I'll drive you two home!" The volume of his shouting grows lower, slowly taken over by the surrounding noises. Somehow I sense a small laugh let out by him, but doesn't have the heart to turn around and glare.

I feel my heart pounding fast over the beat of the music; the world seems to shut itself from reaching me. All I have in my senses is him...

"Shi..." knowing I use the wrong form of address; I call him, after some hesitation, suppressing the excitement in my tone, "Kudo."

He turns to me, and my legs weaken. I know, the alcohols I consumed just now didn't work, because I drank too fast, and now they're going to work on me, in every possible worst ways.

Our teary eyes meet each other's, to my surprise, he laughs, like he had got drunk really badly, and tears stream down on his blushing cheeks. "Kudo..." I managed to call, before he stands and hugs me, but ends up pulling me down to the lounge, as both of us lose the strength to stand still already.

"Ai..." he cried, making my heart breaks into tiny little pieces.


	2. Chapter 2: Stay

**Life, Her Hell that Holds Love**

Disclaimer: I don't own DC

Word count: 1455

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing, dear all. This chapter I'm featuring Rihanna ft. Mikky Ekko – Stay. It's a really amazing song so if you haven't listened to it, it's strongly recommended.

Also, this chapter is a pre-climax. And I'd love to know what you think.

Characters: Haibara Ai, Kudo Shinichi, Akai Shuichi (don't expect him to be cool in this chapter, though he's a minor character)

**Chapter 2: Stay**

I couldn't remember how, or why, but I'm in Shinichi's arms, receiving passionate kisses from him, and generously giving him back. Our bodies move forward a little involuntarily suddenly, reminding me that we're actually in Akai's car, for whatever reason.

My headache is so severe that I can't think straight, not when I need to focus my remaining consciousness to the man who's having me all to himself. The only things I want to feel right now, are his hot, watery mouth and his touches that are full of love and affection.

Why isn't he mine? All mine? I shut the thought from my mind.

I cherish every movement he makes, every touch he gives, like a sinner seeking for Messiah's salvation.

We are both too drunk to remember how it started, but are still sane, or perhaps insane, enough to keep going.

I feel his mouth in mine, both full of the smack of liquors, unable to identify which is which. Every twist of our tongues feels good, provoking the inner devil of mine. I love how he caresses my hair, my neck, my back, my waist, almost as much as how I love him.

I hold nothing back, giving myself entirely for him, touching his cheeks, his back of ears, his chest, knowing how he likes it, like how I do. Every space in our world is filled with precious silence, as no word is needed to interrupt this perfect moment. His level-headed reasoning and my self-protecting sarcasm shatter to nowhere when the tranquil night takes over.

Funny he seems to be the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving, because when we never see the light it's hard to know which one of us is caving.

Gently, he moves his hand into my shirt, taking all he wants as all I have is meant for no one but him. Feeling his hand cups one of my breasts perfectly is too good to be true, though my laced bra is really a hindrance.

As if he's able to read my mind, Shinichi searches for the buckle at my back with his hand. Though touching my bare skin is unavoidable, it seems like he's been planning all this while, making me shivers due to the Adrenaline rush in my vessels.

"Hey, you two, hold on. You can wait. Don't mess up my car," Akai's voice is sounding from the front of the car, his tone is flat as always. His sudden interruption seems to be unwise, as Shinichi, having his lips away from mine, starts suppressing his urge to throw up.

"DON'T!" Akai shouts, sounding nervous all of a sudden, and promptly stops his car. "Here!" he demands as he hands Shinichi a plastic bag, "get out and come back in ONLY when you're done!"

I watched, amused. If my guessing is right, it's Shinichi's first hangover, and making out with me... May be, very likely to be, most probably to be his first, but also last.

I'm not really sure how to feel about it, something in the way he moves makes me think I can't live without him. It takes me all the way...

The urge to puke silences my thought, and I open the door immediately. Akai hands a plastic bag to me, without forgetting to roll his eyes to me. I manage to do a 'thank you' gesture to him before going out to throw up, carefully not to let my unbuckled bra slips off.

Akai must be regretting how he got two drunken teenagers in his car right now.

oOoOoOoOo

The hot water that pour down from the shower washes away the traces that alcohol left on me, the stinky smell and the unnatural flushes on my skin. The pressure of the hot water that beats on my head, my shoulders, my back, is easing the headache, as well as helping me regain my calm and conscious mind.

What am I doing here?

I look around to find myself in surrounded by white and grey tiles instead of blue mosaics, which means I'm not in Professor Agasa's house bathroom. Then it has to be Shi, Kudo's house. Why did Akai make the both of us here?

Of course, for my sister... He knows exactly what his beloved woman wanted, to see her sister living a happy life with the one she loves. But it's wrong... It's way too wrong.

Just, what am I doing here?

I recall the moment when we're in Akai's car, when we're chest to chest, lips to lips. A tear rolls down from my eye, so fast, so soon, that I thought it's just an illusion. What is that for? Joy? Guiltiness?

God, what I've done?

I turn off the shower; quickly wrap myself in towel, as I don't see there is any bathrobe. My clothes are stained, so I need clean clothes to change. Hopefully Shin, Kudo's mother left some clothes here.

I step out of the bathroom, being faster than usual, quicker than necessary, as if the faster movement can shut away the emotions that swirl in my mind. I thought I can avoid seeing him if I'm acting fast enough...

"Ai..." I hear his miserable voice, that damn voice that melts my heart, as I see him stepping into the room which my bathroom is located. He is half naked; the only thing he's wearing is his boxer briefs.

I look away, grasping the towel that encloses my body. I know I can't look straight; his firm and masculine body lines are too alluring, I'm afraid I'd do something worse. It's not like I want him to betray Ran for me...

"Ai," he moves closer, he's not wobbling, but his steps are not steady either. Has he not recovered from the hangover? Involuntarily, I take a few steps backward, while keeping my eyesight on the floor. "Are you avoiding me?"

"No," I lie, avoiding his ebriated stare.

"Then why are you not looking into my eyes?" he interrogates, like I'm a criminal.

I glare, as cool as I can pretend, "now I am, satisfied? Kudo, I have to go."

"Don't," he whispers, almost begging, "don't go." I feel the dampness in his breath, close to my ear, I know a kiss from him is coming, but I force myself step backward, painfully.

"What do you think you are doing?" I warn, as I grasp the knot of the towel even harder, afraid if he unties it, afraid if I let him.

"You want it, don't you?" he raises his voice, sounding hurt. I can't forgive how he thinks he is hurt, ignoring the fact that I'm the one who hurt the most, by him; and if this nonsense continues, Ran, innocent as always, would be hurt too.

"You're drunk," I murmur, my heart aches again, "jerk off."

"Yea I am," he laughs a little, "but I was asking if you want it?" How can he speak every word clear and calm, like he doesn't know, doesn't care to know the reason I avoid him...

"No," I lie again, "I'm leaving now." I take a few steps, each and every feels so heavy. I won't mind if I'm going back to Professor Agasa's house in this state, in nothing but a towel, now. Anything would sure be better to stay here watching him, hearing him, feeling him... Anything...

"Ai," my name slips away from his soft lips as he grabs my arm, I can't deny how much I like him calling me Ai, "but I want you." The way he holds my arm hurts, his slender fingers pressure against my skin, but his words are what that really hurts.

"You want me..." I repeat his words, blankly, emotionlessly. His fingers loosen, as I stare at him with my eyes that tears already started flowing, "and you want Ran. Who do you think you are?!"

He looks me into my eyes, like a surprised kid, shocked of my words, like he never expected me to be this honest, never expected me to see through the reality, despite how desperate I want him.

His silence answers everything I need to know, nothing. I need not to know a thing. Who am I to know anything?

All I need now is leave before I go to the point where there's no turning back.

"Stay..." he begs as soon as I take another step to the door. His word works like a spell, making my feet glued to the floor.

I let my tears flow, because I know I'm able to do nothing around this man. I stay still, watching with my blurred vision, letting him wrap his arms around my bare shoulders.

I can't even tell when does he make my towel falls...


	3. Chapter 3: Beneath Your Beautiful

**Life, Her Hell that Holds Love**

Word Count: 1380

A/N: Beneath Your Beautiful is a song performed by Labrinth featuring Emili Sunde. It's beautiful and you can definitely relate to this chapter.

Also, I'm making this love scene very emotional instead of very erotic. Hope you can feel what's between Haibara and Shinichi. I'd love to hear feedback from you all.

Characters: Haibara Ai, Kudo Shinichi, Mouri Ran (be prepared...)

**Chapter 3: Beneath Your Beautiful**

"You've carried on so long; you couldn't stop if you tried it. You've built your wall so high that no one could climb it. But I'm gonna try," Shinichi whispers into my ear. I'm shivering to his words and the emotions beneath. I know I have no reason to resist, because there's a voice in my heart crying for him every time he turns to the other girl.

The man is pressing his lips on my neck, so full of passion. "You are drunk," I try once more, though reluctantly, to persuade him to let go of me. Part of me doubt if he really wants me, or it's just the alcohol that makes him so.

"Maybe," unwillingly, he pulls his lips away from my neck, which makes me disappoint a little deep inside my meager heart, "but would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight?" Instead of waiting for my reply, as if not expecting any, he promptly sucks my mouth with his.

I can resist no more. Without the effect from the alcohols, I have no excuse to commit such a crime, none but my temptation. I instantly feel myself dirty, doing such a thing that will surely hurt Ran, who had treated me like her sister, but I can't hold back any more.

One of his hands holds my waist tight, his other hand, originally caressing my hair, now moves all the way down to my chests. He squeezes one of my breasts, fulfilling his enjoyment, as well as mine. I let out a soft moan without even knowing it when he moves his thumb on my nipple, rough at every possible direction, and I feel it hardens.

My ego has gone to nowhere, with Shinichi taking over my body. I cuddle around his shoulders, fearing that I may fall any minute, as my legs are weakened by every of his movement. It's funny that I thought he's the one who is drunk, but now he's the one who is able to stand still and hold me firmly.

With the lights off, I can barely see his features. I let my eyes closed, knowing I'd be safe and sound in him. The feeling of making love with him is definitely a whole new level of pleasure. No one had ever made me feel this way, no one but him, only him.

I gasp out of excitement when I feel his fingers pressing, rubbing, and entering the area between my legs. I feel a rush of wetness from where he's playing with. Losing my self-control bit by bit, I moan, and with my eyes forced open due to the sensation, I see him grinning satisfyingly.

"Are you just going to take without giving, little greedy?" he says, sounding flirtatious without even trying to sound that way. I look into his eyes; in the moonlight, they give out a vulgar glow gently. I smile, softly pushing my man to lean against the wall without a word.

He seems to be surprised seeing me kneel down in front of him. With the tips of my fingers I tickle his swelling cock, he groans manly, with his cock standing now. I hesitate a little, before I use my tongue to resume doing what my fingers are, worrying if he doesn't like the idea of me doing this.

In fact, his moan grows deeper, in a lower pitch, and he's placing his hands against the wall so that he doesn't fall. I mouth his erecting penis, sucking it, and stop when I feel he's about to come. In my kneeling position, I can see, in the dim moonlight, he is disappointed.

"Save that," I smirk, "use it on the bed."

"Hah, who says we're using the bed?" he sneers mischievously. I glance to the bed, gaining a wider smile on my face to know we're going harsh tonight.

He pulls me up from the floor, leans me against the wall. The wetness is spreading between my legs. He sucks my nipple gluttonously with one of him hand squeezing my hips and the other runs freely on my back.

Each touch he makes triggers my temptation and I can feel the liquid dripping from my vagina. I chuckle softly, out of the pleasure and love he makes me feel, encourage him to go further. My nails are drawing furious red lines on his back while my eyes are closed.

In the dark, I feel him entering me. The hardness he has hurts a little at first, but relieved soon with my groin gets wetter. It's magical how he unleashes the other self of me when our souls meet.

He trusts harder in me, forcing my hips to jerk backward involuntarily. Like how my back leaves no space against the wall, my breasts are pressing against his chest, where friction is unavoidable, and neither of us wants to avoid it.

My head is spinning, my thoughts are running, my mind goes blank, my heart keeps pounding fast. I gasp. I moan. I shout. Each action becomes more intense as he goes rougher on me, I don't mind to seem vulnerable, because I know he's right here to protect me.

He finally releases himself in me. We embrace each other, searching for support, searching for comfort. Our lips meet, our tongues twist, kissing the other self of us with burning, bursting passion.

Our kiss is out of pure love, not just silly sentiment, that moment, I know. Though our bodies are shivering and our legs are shaking, we can't leave each other's body.

At last, we collapse to the floor, me in his arms. Every breathe we have is so heavy, so intense. I feel his warm, moist breathe on the skin behind my ear, and his heart that beats violently beneath his chest.

If I am to die now, I wouldn't mind. I already have the most wonderful experience that I dare not to dream of...

I think I'm carried to the bed in his sturdy arms, I'm not really sure. All I can be sure of is that in his warmth, I fall asleep soundly, better than any night I had since born.

We'll be falling, falling... But that's okay, because he'll be right here.

oOoOoOoOo

I wake up to just to see, out of all of the faces he's the one next to me. I beam faintly looking at his sleeping face. I feel certain pressure on my breasts, I turn to check and see nothing but his arm on me.

It feels like I'm the happiest woman right now, being with my loved one and seeing him sleeping tranquilly hugging me. I plant a soft kiss on his lips; surprisingly, he flinches, awakes, grins and kisses me back.

"What sort of magic you hold beneath that makes me give you my first unconditionally?" he smirks genuinely. I am a little shocked by his words, and then I recall the Ran I know, innocent and pure. Surely she's not a girl like me, she would like to keep her first until married.

I sigh, looking in his sapphire eyes, "What are you going to do now?" Whatever answer that is going to come out of his kissable lips, I know I'm going to be both relieved and sorry.

"I," he pauses, seeming to consider the phrases that will cause least harm to both parties, Ran and me, "I will talk to her. I need to make her understand that to me, she's just like a sister, my best friend. You are the one whom I really love, whom I would want to spend the rest of my life with."

"Shinichi..." I call his name, feeling content just to be able to call him like this. He beams at my silly expression, and gives me another long, provoking kiss.

As our selves linger, I sense a weird, bad feeling in me. That kind of feeling is only possible around...

"Ran?" Shinichi, facing the door, exclaims as he hears the sobs and sees the figure. I turn around, to see no one but Ran standing at the door, sobbing to what she sees.

"Ran-san?" I can't believe my eyes. That worst possible kind of feeling is rising from my stomach, engulfing me slowly.


	4. Chapter 4: Now

**Life, Her Hell that Holds Love**

_Word Count: 1432_

_A/N: Hello there! In this chapter, there's nothing lemon-ish, but there is a scene which is kind of horny, jerk-ish and ... funny? I guess... Also, you'll find that there's not only emotional sex in my head! _

_By the way, 'Now' is a song performed by Paramore. Not recommended if you hate rock music, but surely if you love rock music, you'll love Now, and songs by Paramore. _

_Characters: Kudo Shinichi, Haibara Ai, Mouri Ran (?), Vermouth (ta-da!), Akai Shuichi _

**Chapter 4: Now**

"Ran," Shinichi calls for her once more. The girl takes no other move but just stands and sobs. The uneasy feeling in me is so strong that I cannot overcome it, causing me to shiver.

Shinichi seems too busy to notice my fear; he searches for something to cover up himself. Lucky it is that my towel was dropped not far from the bed last night. He grabs it and wraps it around his lower body before opens the blanket.

"No..." I whisper in fear, grasping his arm which reaches out to touch my cheek. I know something really awful is about to happen, be it on me or Shinichi, or both of us.

"Don't worry," he beams as he touches my cheek with the other hand, obviously misunderstands the reason I'm afraid, "I'd be right back." He then loosens my grip, and makes his way to the crying girl.

Damn! I wish I have the gut to tell him what is happening, but with my body shaking I can't even make the slightest move.

"Ran," he stands in front of her, comforting, "I know it's hard for you to accept the fact. I don't ask for forgiveness but please, accept my sincere apology. I never mean to hurt you and fool around with your feelings, but..." before he can complete his sentence, unexpectedly, the girl hugs around his half-naked body.

The detective appears to finally having his sharp instincts and rational mind back, with his eyes wide open he mumbles, "You... you are not..." It's too late because she is already clasping his neck, making him suffocates as she takes out a pistol from beneath her shirt.

"That's right, cool guy," the cold voice escapes from 'Ran's' lips. She, faces me, is ready to pull the trigger at me at any time. The instant when she pulls the trigger, Shinichi, though still suffocating, knocks her hand that is pointing the pistol to me.

The bullet hits the pillow that is right at my side. I gasp. I watch Shinichi struggling against her, slowly having the upper hand as he is stronger than her physically. I know I must do something before she outsmarts him.

I have to overcome my fear in order not to burden Shinichi any longer.

There's a time and place to die, and this ain't it, this ain't it... This ain't it, when I know we are meant to be...

Just then, her pistol slips from her hand and drops to the floor. I take the chance, immediately dart to where it lies and pick it up. She happens to be able to break free from Shinichi. With no other option left, I shoot but she successfully dodges it.

At the meantime, the door is banged open. Akai is dashing into the room just as the counterfeit is about to attack me. Using the gun in his hand, he shoots, and injures her shoulder. Blood oozes out from her wound; the pain causes her to frown.

"Vermouth, it's been a while," Akai, with a sarcastic grin on his face, casually says as he points the gun at her.

"Silver bullet," Vermouth hisses, her facial expression changes from shocked to slightly hysteric. With an I-should-had-expected-it sneer, she tears the porcelain mask from her face, revealing her true identity that I had known all along.

"Sherry, I'll be back," the face of hers that I fear for my life turns to me and speaks, intimidatingly. A chill comes from the bottom of my spine as her words reach my ears.

"You are not going anywhere but jail, Rotten Apple," Akai says as he approaches her slowly with his gun.

"Do you know, Silver Bullet," Vermouth smirks, "you and I share a similarity that is our forte most of the time, but a feeble sometimes." She takes a few silent, quick steps backward, like a cat, causing Akai and Shinichi to be alarmed and approach to her faster.

She reaches the corner of the room, with both Akai and Shinichi within steps to take her down. She laughs a little, "We prefer to act alone." With the best speed she manages to reach, she reaches the window and breaks out of it.

Before she breaks free, Shinichi grasps her arm but she struggles out of him. Just as she hops out of the window, Akai points his gun to her and makes a few shoots. I take a look from the other window to see her lands on the bushes. Her movements seem restrained because of her injuries.

I sigh out of relief, but just then doubts rushes into my mind, which is now able to do reasoning calmly. Why Akai is here, shortly after Vermouth appears? Why Shinichi is isn't aware that the 'Ran' is a palmed off by Vermouth, since Ran would certainly acts differently? Why aren't the two going after Vermouth, as they certainly are able to take her down?

I glare sceptically to the two, and find both of them eyeing and smiling to each other meaningfully.

"You should have told me earlier, Akai-san," Shinichi smirks as he watches Vermouth gets into her Porsche which is parked quite far away from his mansion.

"My apology, Kudo-kun. If I warned you, you probably wouldn't let Haibara-kun to be in danger, and the entire plan would be a failure, am I right?" Akai Shuichi grins, which annoys me very much.

"Hold on, I'm acting as BAIT?! Bastard!" I half-shout at Akai. How dare he plan everything all alone, making me bait without even letting me know?

Much to my surprise, he blushes, and embarrasses me as he says, "Haibara-kun, I don't mind to admire your body a little while more, but I'm afraid Kudo-kun would mind."

"Oi!" Shinichi exclaims; his face flushes red hot. I feel my cheeks burns as well... Holy shit!

I dash out of the room, screaming, "Akai-san! You better explain everything when I'm done dressing!"

"I brought your clothes over! Just right behind the door!" his voice reaches my eardrums, making me even more embarrassed. I didn't even know I can be experiencing and enduring such kind of humiliation...

oOoOoOoOo

"All right, so if you were here all the time, why don't you just break in when you saw her?" I question, with an eyebrow raised. Hopefully his answer won't give me another blow in my mind.

"To be honest, I thought it was Mouri-kun. I've been around every day and Mouri-kun appears at your house every day. Today I happen to try spying from Professor Agasa's house, and I saw 'Ran' going into your house," he pauses, to give a know-it-all smile, "I had no intention to stop her, not until I see another Mouri-kun coming from the end of the street."

"So how did you find out she's the real Ran?" Shinichi asks, sounding more interested than offended.

"I dialled her number; using the voice changer, I feigned your voice, telling her that you're out to solve a case so she needed not to come. I rushed into your house when she walked off," Akai explained.

I don't know if I am to feel relieved or not, to think that Ran nearly ends up seeing everything. I stare at Akai for not stopping 'Ran' at the first place, he happens to stare back at me.

"Surely you want it to be over as quick as possible, don't you?" he asks nonchalantly. I sigh. "By the way, Kudo-kun, nice job you did," he changed the topic suddenly, talking about something I don't understand.

"I'm sure if you had the chance you'd do it yourself, Akai-san," Shinichi smiles back and answer politely. I had to recall what exactly they were talking about...

Right then, as Vermouth was stepping back, Shinichi slipped away to the side table and took something from the drawer. And when Vermouth was about to getaway, he grasped her arm. Surely if he were intended to do so, he would successfully prevent her from escaping, but he didn't...

And a small device was stuck on her shirt!

"Now we'd had a chance to know where that person is," Akai sneers as he takes out the tracking glasses.

I look at Shinichi's direction, hoping that I'll find myself in his eyes. Instead, I find him looking at his phone and making a cal. My heart sinks a little; I feel my teeth biting my lips.

"Ran, yea, it's me... No, no... It's done. The case is solved... Yea... I'll come over to your place this afternoon."

Of course, who else would it be?

* * *

_P.S. If you like code decoding game, go check out 'Game of Code' by... ME!_

_Review please!_

* * *

_Dear guesses, thanks for your reviews! I'm replying here. Oh yeah! Special thanks to Hai-Edogawa for your support all the time!_

_Momo, is my update speed good enough for you? Thanks for reviewing!_

_Guest1, I'm working harder than I thought I would. Thank you~_

_Someone else, seeing your reviews brings some sort of happiness to me. My bit of advice, never try to predict VivGlam's story ending. (Do I sound a little cocky? Sorry for that, I don't mean to.) But I'd say readers can interpret the ending whichever way they like. About my destiny, ha, thanks for concern, but I actually was joking in a way to say, it almost feel like my destiny to write heart-breaking stories. No worry for that :) (Though my own destiny is kind of unusual and maybe sorrowful, but I'm staying positive!) And, I sincerely appreciate you for sinking your soul in my story; I can feel it in your reviews. Thank you for your review and I do believe that Ai-chan deserves a happy ending, like I do._

_Sherry Fan, thank you for liking my lemon! To be honest, I'm 17 so maybe it's still an illegal age to write lemon (who knows?). _


	5. Chapter 5: Just Give Me a Reason

**Life, Her Hell that Holds Love**

_Word Count: 1375 words_

_A/N: Hello there! I'm back with a new chapter! Just Give Me a Reason is a song performed by P!nk (one of my favourite female singers) featuring Nate Ruess. Amazing is an understatement, my comment._

_Thank you for reading. Please review to tell me what you think._

_Characters: Haibara Ai, Kudo Shinichi, Agasa Hiroshi_

**Chapter 5: Just Give Me a Reason**

"Kudo-kun" I call, after Akai left, when he's done discussing about Vermouth with Shinichi.

"Huh?" he looks at me in doubt.

"I, actually, bought a plane ticket to London. The flight is scheduled tonight," I say casually, the entire speech is already in my mind, composed when they're busy exchanging thoughts and plans.

"Wha- Why? You're still going? After all these we've been through?" he looks dumbfounded, saying in disbelief.

"Right. Vermouth is still looking for me, and..." I can't finish my sentence, with Shinichi stopping me.

"And I'm here to protect you, from Vermouth, from the damn organisation, from anyone who tries to harm you!" he interrupts, sounding agitated but caring.

"Kudo-kun," I gulp, "I can't let you risk your life for me any longer!" This is what I planned to say, but it should sounds calmer.

"Why are you suddenly calling me that way?" he questions, now his hands on my arms. His eyes are full of, not irritation, but hurt.

"Be rational," I push his hands away, making my best to seem cold, "What if Ran-san was here when Vermouth broke in?"

Shinichi is stunned, apparently he never consider the possibility of this circumstance, which precisely, is high.

I sneer at his face, "And what if when the next time Vermouth comes for me, you're not here with me?" I know my words are like blades, piercing his mind, "Are you, still, able to protect me?"

Silence fills the atmosphere, when both of us know no word is appropriate for this situation. Moments later, Shi-, Kudo takes a step forward and embraces me. I gasp, pushing him away, though I love to be in his arms, I love the warmth of his body.

"Kudo-kun," I stare into his glowering eyes, "Go back to Ran-san."

His eyes widen upon my words, his lips press into a thin line, before he let out a bitter laugh, "That's it? That's all you want to say?"

I suppress the feelings in me, which is a mixture of guilty, sadness and disgust, "If it's not for what happened yesterday, who you would choose today? If it's not for my body, I'm sure you're still indecisive, like how you are all along!"

His body moves a little backward involuntarily. Obviously, he hates me being this honest, like how I hate myself to be; otherwise, we can still lie to ourselves, playing lovey-dovey, and tell each other we are the one and only. But we're not, never will be...

Right from the start he was a thief, he stole my heart, and I, his willing victim... It's time to make it right, though my heart is already his, but I should stop stealing his too. Because his heart will never, entirely, belongs to me.

"My flight," I break the awkward silence, "is scheduled at 11:15 pm. You can bid me farewell, and please bring along Ran-san. I'd like to see her before I go," I say before I leave, and repeat the remaining sentence in my heart that I never say in front of him.

_I'd like to see her before I go, happy together with you, so that I have the strength to forget you..._

oOoOoOoOo

My watch is showing 9:45pm, another half an hour or so, I'll have to check in. My coffee is already cold in the paper cup, left on the table where Professor Agasa is sitting opposite to me.

_I'll be in the airport to meet you by 10, with Ran._

I keep reading Kudo's text in my phone which was sent to me this afternoon, as if there's something I missed. I feel glances on me and I look up.

"Professor Agasa," I call, though he keeps stealing peeks at me to make sure I'm all right, my sudden call makes him surprised.

"Yes, Ai-kun?" he answers.

"Thank you for sending me to the airport, biding me farewell and..." I stand up and walk to his seat. He is shocked but still sticking on his chair; when I put my arms around him, he is even more astounded at first, but glad later.

"Thank you for taking care of me, giving me a shelter and offering goodness that is beyond anything I can ever return," I smile, with my face so close to his white hair.

"You're welcomed, Ai-kun," he replies, smiling as genuine as always. His hands grasp my arms, making me feel the warmth from his huge, wrinkled palms. "Your parents will sure be proud of you..."

"I hope so," I say, unsure if they feel a thing.

"And your sister too," he adds, grasping my arms more tightly.

"I think she will..." I smile broadly, as I feel myself hugging Professor Agasa closer.

"Hello there," the familiar voice makes my heart skips a beat; I look up to see no one but him.

"Hey, Kudo-kun," I reply his greeting, the tone in my voice remains no-more-than-friendly, as how he started. Noticing Ran's absent, I am about to ask about that.

"Ran called and told me to come alone, said she caught a cold and need to rest," he answers my unspoken question.

"Oh," I reply, feeling relieved, then guilty about my feeling, "Hope she'll recover soon. Send her my regards, please."

"I will," he answers, the way he speaks suggests that he understands how I'd want us to be, just friends.

"I think I'll leave now. You two have some time together," Professor Agasa who was sitting all the time suddenly stands up.

"No," Kudo and I exclaim, almost at the same time, "you don't have to!"

Professor Agasa feigns a yawn, amused, says, "I'm tired... Take care, Ai-kun."

"Professor Agasa, take care. Eat more vegetables and fruits, don't you try to have junk food after I leave. And, exercise regularly," I instruct, telling everything I want to tell him before I depart.

"Ha, Ai-kun, stop sounding like my mother! Goodbye!" Professor Agasa hugs me before he goes. I smile. Thinking back, it's always me who make sure he eats the right meals and works out. Perhaps I'll really miss having someone for me to take care of, like a mother does to a kid.

"Are you really leaving?" Kudo asks after Professor Agasa has gone far from where we stand. I sigh before turning to face him.

"What are you kidding about?" I glare at him, cold as usual, like what happened yesterday was nothing but a dream, "I've bought the ticket, packed my luggage, now in the airport about to check in."

"You know you don't have to," he smiles bitterly. The wall we built just now seems shattered.

"You know," I look into his sincere eyes, "I have to."

"Ai..." his voice sounds like he's begging.

"Treat Ran-san well, baka," I smirk, hiding the sorrow that rises in me, "she's like a sister to me."

"Do you..." he starts again, looking at me with his blue eyes. I look away, because if I look back I may fall for them again.

"I'm leaving now," I say as I get my luggage.

"Don't," he grabs my arm, mumbles. He knows it's not right, it's unfair, it's hurting, to me, to him, to Ran. So, why he refuses to let me go?

"Just give me a reason," I smirk. How can you be so selfish? How can you? The thought echoes itself in my mind, but there's no one to reply.

As expected, silence takes over. I turn to take my last glance at him, seeing there are tears other than blankness. I lose my arm from his hand and walk away.

Behind me, a few feet away, is the man I love, looking at my back, having no excuse, no right, nothing to stop me from leaving. Perhaps the one who lose the most in this battle isn't me, it's him.

Just then, Shinichi's cell phone rings. After a few rings, maybe taking time to calm himself, he picks up the phone. Shockingly, he bursts into pure anger.

"Hello... What?! Ran is... WHAT?! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!"

I have a really bad feeling that I know I can't just leave now, that I do not hesitate to turn to see what's going on with my teary eyes.

* * *

_Reply to my dear reviewer:_

_Someone else, All right, you don't have to. Let's see if I can. I have a feeling that the plot of this chapter is in your expectation, until the last part. I'll do my best to update until Chapter 7 this month. Then readers will have to wait for 3 months for the next update... Thanks for reviewing!_


	6. Chapter 6: Born To Die

**Life, Her Hell That Holds Love**

_Word count: 1710_

_A/N: Hello there! Sorry for late update, as I was busy with scholarships, colleges, sketching and other stuffs that keeps bothering me. And, I have to apologize because I can only make it until Chapter 6. _

_By the way, 'Born to Die' is performed by Lana del Ray. It's not a relatively new song, but it describes Ai's emotion flawlessly. So, enjoy at the meantime. I'll be back after 3 months :)_

_Review please!_

_Characters: Haibara Ai, Kudo Shinichi, Vermouth, Mouri Ran_

**Chapter 6: Born To Die**

The irritating fusty odour is suffused in the air. There is basically nothing in the obsolete factory other than rusty machines. The quietness is enhanced by the echoes of footsteps in the massive factory as we walk.

I steal a glance at Shinichi. His steps are heavy, but relatively quick. His eyebrows frown, lips apart, revealing his teeth that grit in tense. He senses my gaze, so he turns to me, giving me the I-told-you-not-to-come-with-me stare.

I shrug, pretend to be nonchalant. Though he never says, I know very well, the condition to release Ran is to hand me to Vermouth.

He let out a small sigh, I guess he's agreeing with the unspoken voice in my mind, _this is the only option._ He doesn't have to feel sorry for me, I have no right for that, because right in the beginning, I got involved in his life is just another mistake.

I'd rather to choose my death, if he's ever needed to choose between Ran and me.

"Your angel is behind this gate, cool guy," a voice, oddly familiar, loud and clear, suddenly sounds from one of the rusted, heavy iron gate, breaking the creepy silence.

"Release her! She has nothing to do with our resentment," Shinichi demands.

"Resentment?!" the witch's laugh follows her exclamation, "don't take it personal. I don't want to involve Angel too, you see. It's a matter of command, from that person. Hand Sherry over, I'll return your Angel."

I sneer, feeling my heart beats steadily, though heavily beneath my chest. That Person, together with the rest of the BO, is already surrounded by FBI and Japanese police force, or as well already under arrest, thanks to the tracking device Vermouth left there. Akai Shuichi had told Shinichi over the phone when Shinichi asked for help.

I have a feeling Vermouth knew about the device and left the tracking device there willingly, as destroying BO is in her desperate wish list, which comes right after destroying me. Maybe having the police force focus on the boss is just a tactic to draw me out without much hinder.

All these years, I'm running away from my fate. The shadow is after me, if I don't turn to the shadow, more innocent would be dragged into this unnecessary battle.

"Deal," I answer, determined. I know for my entire life, this day would definitely come.

Shinichi holds his breath for a good few seconds. He looks at me, fearing he may lose both women. I understand his trepidation and nod at him, giving him the best smile I can make in the situation.

"Well, well," Vermouth's voice is heard again, I hear amusement in it. "Sherry, walk to the gate. Cool Guy, stay where you are. Don't try anything funny. I've told you, this factory is surrounded with bombs, if things don't go how it's supposed to be, every one of us will be blasted into ashes."

My breath go heavier and deeper as each second passes, I know I have to make things right. I manage to brave my heart and make my first step, sluggish and palsied.

It's either Ran or me who'll be the oblation in this battlefield, but if my sacrifice can save Shinichi and Ran, so be it.

"Don't..." Shinichi begs under his breath. I look into his blue eyes, suffocate in compassion and regret. Knowing everything would soon be my last, I reach out to him.

I lean against his frame, as his slightly trembling hand cuddles my waist. I feel the tenderness and the contradicting intense when he put his hand around my waist. I grin, for I know, at least, he feels the same to me as how I feel to him.

I touch his cheek, perceiving the delicacy for the last time. He closes his eyes, and so do I. Standing still, I sense the softness of his lips pressing mine. His still-trembling hands run free on my back and my hair; I know I need to cherish this moment, it's the last glorious I'll bring to hell.

He bits my lower lip gently, and takes the chance to slide his tongue into my mouth. All of a sudden, I feel the dampness on my cheeks, unsure if it's me or him, or both of us. The sensation finally comes to the end, as I tilt my head and whisper into his ears under my heavy breathe, "Goodbye, Shinichi."

Reluctantly, I break free from his arms, soon from his desperate gaze; I make my way to the gate, knowing behind the gate lies my execution ground. Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough.

"Interesting," the cold voice claims in amusement.

Without looking back, I walk. With each step I take, my heart pound faster, harder. I breathe in deeply, smelling the scent of death that lingers in the air along with the odour of the old factory.

Feet don't fail me now; take me to the finish line. All my heart, it breaks every steps that I take, but I'm hoping that the gates, that they'll tell me you're mine.

"Say so long, Sherry," Vermouth's figure is slowly seen as the gate is raised. My head turns to face Shinichi almost automatically. Though tears cover my face, I smile brightly to him, who is now shaking, crying.

"Release Ran-san or I won't go any closer," I demand immediately as I turn to face the devil again, feeling the bravery that I never had in front of Vermouth.

The gun that is pointing to unconscious Ran's forehead is exceptionally dangerous. The Angel is tied onto a chair, unconscious.

"Sure, I don't intend to harm her from the start," Vermouth says as she moves her gun, so that it points at me now instead of Ran. "Just come to me, then I'll leave her here with Cool Guy after we leave."

"Leave?" I raise an eyebrow looking at her, surprised that I'm going to go with her instead of getting killed at once. "What are you going to do with me?"

"Of course," her lips curl upward; I feel the chill in my spine looking at her mysterious, dangerous smile, "Why? Do you think I'll just let you die after all this I've been through? I'll torture you with every possible manner until my hatred faded."

"Why do you hate me so much?" I ask. There's no fear in my voice, but curiousity and surprise. For a damn moment, I even feel sympathy for her. How on earth anyone can contain such unbearable enmity towards another person?

"You have the right to know," her sly eyes are still burning in hatred, but her voice has softened a little, "but not now." She walks steadily to where I stand with her gun pointing at me.

I take the final gaze to the love of my life, to see him clutching his fists, furious tears streaming down from his beautiful blue eyes as he knows there's nothing he can do. I feel a faint smile on my lips, as tears continues to blur my vision. The man who saved my life numerous times, giving me strength to live through every day, is the one I'm leaving now.

If only I could find my voice, I'd tell him not to cry for me, but save his tears for the time when he really going to need them. He has been over-optimistic all the time, which more often seems like foolishness to me, trying to keep everyone he loves alive.

That is not possible, anyway, after all.

"Walk now," the gun in Vermouth's hand is practically pointing to the back of my spine, barely a centimetre away. I listen to her demand, and walk to the exit where she intends me to as she puts on handcuffs for me.

"By the way," she turns to face Shinichi, "I think you already realised that the bomb has already counting down. You have 1 minute or so from now on, just enough to either carry Angel out from the factory. So don't try to do something stupid, because Sherry had made her choice to be the one to sacrifice."

I gasp a little, hoping he would do as how Vermouth demands. Right at the moment when he's about to rushes to where Ran and I are, out of expectation, Ran, who is still tied onto the chair, stands up and runs to the wall behind.

She throws herself to the wall. The wooden chair that she was tied onto is broken upon the overwhelming force, and Ran frees herself from the rope. "Shinichi! Go and save Haibara-san!" she shouted to Shinichi who's running to us.

I can sense all of us, Shinichi and me, even Vermouth are dumbfounded by the sudden incident. Nervously, I glance to the timer of the bomb, which is now showing 57 seconds left. I hate how endless thoughts flow into my mind in this moment that determines the live or die.

_Was Ran mentally conscious all the time?_

_Did she know what we said and did?_

_What is she thinking?_

_Why she's risking her life to save mine?_

_..._

I know I have to break free from Vermouth in order to save all three of us, because I have a feeling the other two wouldn't leave if I can't. I take the chance when she's distracted to knock her from the side with my elbow as hard as I manage. It hurts with the handcuff on my hands but I can't care less.

Vermouth, with her waist hit by my elbow, moans in pain but quickly reacts by kicking my stomach, so hard that I was thrown to the wall. My stomach and my back hurt like hell, making me can't move even an inch. I fall involuntarily to the ground like jelly.

Vermouth points her gun to me furiously, and pulls the trigger several times without hesitation.

I know I am going to die...

And just then, Ran who had been rushing herself into the fight between us, comes to me, kneels in front of me, covers me with her own body, with her arms wrapping around my head.

Just like how my sister would do for me...

_Reply to dear guess reviewers:_

_Someone else, thanks for reviewing. I love writing in Ai's POV too, as my personality is similar to hers. I'm not sure if my ending is what you expected, but keep reading to see if you're right –wink- And regarding your question, I'm actually going for National Service for the next 3 months, that's why. I won't abandon this fic as this is the best fic I've written so far._

_Sherry's fan, thank you for your review. Indeed it is. See you._


	7. Chapter 7: Who Am I to Say

**Life, Her Hell that Holds Love**

_Word count: 1798_

_A/N: Surprise! I'm actually having a semester break from National Service. So I decide to update another chapter to keep my readers entertained (and also to kill time because I'm rotting in boredom)._

_Who Am I to Say is performed by Hope. I've only quoted a line from the lyrics, but do listen to the whole song! It's heartbreaking, especially where she sings, "colour me blue, I'm lost in you." _

_I had a hard time writing this because it's kind of depressing, not to mention it's writing from Haibara's POV._

_Review to tell me what you think. Thanks!_

**Chapter 7: Who Am I to Say**

"Wake up;" a familiar voice calls softly, "you've been sleeping for too long."

I flinch. The ground is so soft, so comfortable; the air is filled with a special, fresh scent. I blink a few times, seeing the green that cushion the ground and giving out sweet fragrance. I'm lying on grass.

A shadow blocks the faint sunlight. I lift my head up to see, though only the silhouette, I can immediately recognize the face.

"Ran-san," I call, surprised to see her smiling at me. "Where are we?" I feel the ache in my head as I try to recall what happened. I sit up from the ground.

"Shh," she blinks playfully, "You'll be fine."

"What about you?" Am I too sensitive? It doesn't feel right when she says 'you' instead of 'we'.

"Me?" her bright blue eyes blink in confusion and sadness, "I don't know."

The innocence in her triggers my emotions; I feel my heart aches as tears roll down for some reason that I can't be sure of.

"Don't cry, beautiful," she gives me her best smile, holding my cold, weak hands, "take care of Shinichi on behalf of me."

"No..." I choke out the word looking into her sincere eyes, "you take care of him yourself."

"Sorry," she says as she wipes away the tears on my cheeks, "but I don't think I'm able to do so..." As she speaks, she stands up and walks away. Slowly, she gets further away from me.

"No, don't go!" I beg. I try to get up but I can't feel the strength of my legs. "Ran-san!" All that left for me is my hoarse voice crying her name, but she never look back...

oOoOoOoOo

"Ai-chan! Ai-chan!" I hear someone calling as I force my eyes open. In blurred vision, I see Professor Agasa holding my arms, while Jodie, Akai and the Detective Kids standing beside, close to me, looking at me full of concern.

I see myself in white pajamas, covered in white blanket, lying on a white bed, surrounded by white walls. The word 'hospital' comes across my mind immediately, and the irritating smell of medicine confirms my thought.

"Where's Ran-san?!" I cry as I sit up, can't help of it, before I have time to remember what happened. I feel wetness from my eyes conquering every inch of the skin of my cheeks, and I hastily wipe it off.

Everyone who stands in front of me stares to the ground, if not, to each other, but there's no one to answer my question.

"Where's RAN-SAN?!" I scream with all the strength I manage, feeling my throat being tore apart. More tears stream down from my eyes, and no matter how hard I wipe my face, it can never be dried off.

"I heard she's been calling another patient's name since a while ago," a strange male voice sounds from far, together with sounds of footsteps, getting louder as the owner gets closer, "is she awake now?"

A young man in white suit, whom I assume as a doctor, appears from behind the door together with two nurses. Apparently he's the one who owns the voice, as well as my doctor in charged.

"WHERE IS RAN-SAN?!" I shout my lungs out, knowing that he's the only one who's willing to answer my question.

"Calm down!" he demands in a cool voice, instructing one of his nurses to stand by, "If you don't, I'll have to let her inject tranquilizer into your body." He isn't as inexperienced as his appearance.

I gulp, hoping to stop the sob, but fail; tears are still flowing like waterfalls. "Where," I take a deep breath to regain the strength to speak, "tell me, where is Ran-san?"

"Don't worry, she's alive," the doctor says with a flat voice. I look at Professor Agasa for assurance, and he nods. "Unfortunately," my heart sinks as I listen, "she suffers from a large amount of blood loss and serious concussion, that I'm afraid, she can only regain consciousness by miracle."

"No..." the word escapes my lips, "no... No... No..." I repeat it like a mantra; I have totally no control over the tears that overflow, "It's my fault! My fault!" My head aches as fragments of flashback play in my mind, repeating, torturing me.

"No, it's not. It's Vermouth's fault. You can do nothing about it," Jodie finally speaks, holding me in her arms though I struggle.

"It is! She is now like this because of me! I do nothing but let her in danger because of me!" I cried, louder, harder, more tired, and more intense.

The doctor seems to be helpless, and as the last resort, he orders the nurse to do injection for me.

I fall asleep involuntarily, sobbing, as I feel the needle enters my skin.

oOoOoOoOo

"Ran-san!" I cry out loud as she collapses in front of me. I grab her body that is already covered in blood with my trembling hands, trying to preserve the heat of her body that I'm afraid will be gone at any time.

"Ah... Ugh!" Vermouth's groan is heard, which I'm sure is caused by Shinichi; but it doesn't matter now.

Why would it matter?

All I want is Ran to be all right.

All I want is the two of them living happy ever after.

If I could, I'd rather I'm the one who's bleeding, instead of her.

Why should it ever turn out this way?

"Run!" I hear Shinichi demands.

Bomb...

Counting down...

Run...

I do my best to put myself together and carry Ran out of the freaking factory that will be blasted in no time. Her weight that is beyond my power causes my steps to be slowed down, but there's no time to waste.

Shinichi, initially dealing with Vermouth and finally causing her unconsciousness, takes Ran from me and carries her out. We run with all our might, it feels as if my pair of legs is sprinting beyond its limit...

It all ends, when an enormous exploding sound is heard from behind, milliseconds later it followed by dazzling glare, then blazing heat. Our bodies are thrown forward by an invisible thrust.

I see Shinichi tries to protect Ran with his own body by holding her.

I see the fear of losing her in his expression.

I see the two being separated by the force of the explosion.

I see their bodies being thrown to different places...

The world in front of my eyes becomes shaky, vague, diminished... And finally disappears.

Shinichi...

Ran...

My heart cries silently as my mind goes black...

oOoOoOoOo

Horror takes over, as I find myself sitting up from where I lie, gasping for air. The piercing heartbeat of mine is too much for my feeble chest, not to mention my lungs are seeking for comfort by greedily taking in air.

Helplessly, I cover my eyes with my hands. I feel the cold sweat that drenches my face, and the coarse feeling that suggests my forehead is bandaged. In a sluggish pace, I remove my hands from my eyes, at the same time fixing my anxious breathing.

As my fingers are slowly removed, I see darkness that's adorned with the slightest light from outside the door and the window. There's no one around, probably the doctor suggested them to go.

Feeling the dryness in my throat, I decide to get myself some water. While filling my glass with water, I glance at the clock. With the help of the dim light, I see it shows 2:35.

I swallow the water bit by bit, wondering how long I have gone unconscious.

And how are you, Shinichi?

Do you hate me?

Would you still love me, or had you ever love me?

But who am I to say you love me?

The cracking sound of the door breaks the silence in the ward, as well as my effortless thoughts. Through the glass of the door, I see the features of him.

The glass in my hand suddenly feels so heavy as my heart aches. I tardily put the glass down while I fix my gaze on the man who's moving in.

He tries hard not to drag his feet.

He tries hard not to look onto the floor.

He tries hard not to clench his fists.

But the dark circle under his eyes that can be seen even in the dark betrays his acting.

"Oh," he sees me staring blankly at him, "you're awake." There's no surprise in his voice, probably he had learnt that I had regained consciousness.

I nod, noticing his wellness other than the tiny scratches on his face. I decide to avoid speaking of Ran.

I feel ashamed even just to think about how she sacrificed for me.

"Well," Shinichi locks his gaze to mine, which makes me feel weak, "you don't have to take the blame for what happened to Ran. She wouldn't like you to feel this way."

"But," I hate myself for seeking the truth, "do you? Do you hate me for this?"

"No," he answers after seconds of hesitation, followed by a sigh, "I've lost Ran, somehow. I don't want to lose you too, just because I let you suffer in guilt and regret. To be fair, it's not your fault from the beginning."

"So," I gulp, refuse to give in to my sanity, continue asking the question I shouldn't ask, "with Ran being like this now, would it make it easier or harder to love me?"

"Wha..." The exhausted pair of eyes glows in surprise.

"You don't have to answer," I say, "I think I know the answer." Looking at his dumbfounded and confused expression, I end the conversation that will lead to no way good, "Please leave. You don't have to pretend. You don't have to suffer seeing me."

"Why wouldn't you believe me right from the start?" he questions, frowning, sounding fucked up, "I've told you, my feelings to Ran is just feelings to a sister, a childhood friend. I had false feelings to Ran before, yes, I admit. But I need you to know, and be sure of it, YOU ARE THE ONE I LOVE."

None of us is sane enough to realize before now, his face is so close to mine, because he was too frustrated that he moves closer as he speaks. One of his hands is resting on my bed, while the other on the bed frame.

I feel his impatient breath against my skin. Listen to his words obediently, I struggle to hold myself so that I don't cry.

No, I don't want to seem so weak.

I close my eyes when I see him approaching, just to feel the eagerness and wrath in his lips that I know is coming.

_**Reply to dear guest reviewers:**_

_Someone else, can't agree more... And do tell me if this is in your prediction. National Service is... Well, I have no idea how to define it. Google it, I would say, if you are interested, but I think you're probably not. I'll continue to the very end of this fic!_

_Comet32, arigato! I'll do my best._


	8. Chapter 8: Mirrors

**Life, Her Hell That Holds Love**

_Word Count: 1585_

_A/N: Sorry for taking so long for the update. Am having trouble to concentrate i.e. am procrastinating. Sometimes I just have to think which is the best way to end the story, and when to end the story._

_I've come to the point feeling miserable for making the characters go ooc from the start, but it can't be helped now. Come to think of it, I still have a huge room to improve in terms of writing skills. So, please review to point out where I should work on. _

_Also, I hope to see suggestion on how the fanfic should end, because I think my own idea is too cruel. _

_By the way, Mirrors is performed by my king, Justin Timberlake. Check out the music video, you won't regret!_

**Chapter 8: Mirrors**

Is there anyone to tell me what's right and what's wrong?

Because if it's right why do I feel so wrong?

Shinichi, standing beside my hospital bed, press his lips hard on mine. The two valves of ferocity forcing mine to respond, enthusiastically sucking them. His tongue slides out to taste my lips, besides anxiously finding a way to enter my mouth.

My eyes remain shut but I can't find my strength to let his tongue in, nor to kiss him back.

I just stay where I stay, numb in overflowing unreasonable emotions, hoping to gain my sanity, so that I can make love with him, so that I can make myself believe I'm loved, so that I can tell myself I deserve it...

But I can't.

Knowing his effort turns futile, Shinichi reluctantly stops and glare at me. Gritting his teeth, he demands, "Why don't you even give me a chance to prove it? Why do you have to be so pathetic?"

I feel a stabbing pain at where my heart lies. Pathetic? Yea, that's the right word to describe a loser like me.

He senses the sudden melancholy in my eyes and knows he had just said something indecent. He holds my cold hands with his warm ones, saying full of concern, "I'm sorry. I don't mean it... It's just that..."

"It's just that you're too fucked up. And it's just that it's true," I complete his sentence for him.

What happen next is beyond my expectation...

I've expected my tears, I've expected his tears, I've expected my breakdown, I've expected his leaving...

But none of these happened.

In fact, one of his hands presses hard on my shoulder all of a sudden. I'm afraid of what I see in the dark, pure provoked lust that burns in his eyes.

"What are you... Uhm?!" a passionate kiss that aims to shut me up fills my mouth cavity, what a surprise.

With him dominating my senses, I can't think straight. I struggle to escape from his perfection, though I know there's no way I can win over this man. His hot, wet tongue messes in my mouth, seeking for the inner devil in me.

My tongue so that it doesn't meet with his, but there is simply no room for it to escape. I refuse to give in to the temptation, but he keeps sucking my lips and tasting my mouth. Without realizing it, a stream of tear rolls down from my left eye.

What is it?

Why?

Shinichi doesn't give in, but goes further by putting the other of his hands on my groin. He squeezes and rubs it with his rough, violent movement. I want to scream to tell him to stop, but with his mouth covering mine, I can't.

My body disagrees with my mind. I cum. It is then I realize I'm not worn with underwear, because the wetness spreads all over in between my legs. I know it's normal for unconscious patient, but... Hell why didn't they just put it on for me?!

He apparently feels where his hand lies is damp and warm, that's why he pulls down my pants. I kick aimlessly to make it difficult for him but he single-handedly pulls the lose pants down to my knees.

The sensation thrills me that my skin is covered with goose-bumps and I feel hot that I begin to sweat when he rubs me even harder without the piece of hindrance.

I feel the muscles of my legs are contracted and cramped due to the pleasure he forces me to have. I hide how much I enjoy it by not moving an inch of my limbs, but it hurts my body even worse. My fists are clenched tight while my feet are digging deeper into the mattress.

Out of the blue, his lips depart from mine. Just as I thought I'm going to cry a determined 'no' to him, all that I hear from myself is just a deep and intense groan. Ashamed, I open my eyes slowly, but what I see is traces of tears that reflect the light from outside on his face.

"Why? Just admit it, you want me. And believe me, I want you, ONLY YOU. I didn't realize back then, but I do now. And I think you should realize it too," his words echoes and imprints in my heart. Though he's still crying, but his voice is steady and resolute.

For a long time, both of us stay quiet, though not tranquil. I sob mutely in the dark while the lower part of my body is still feeling the effect of his hand job, he impatiently wipes his tears off, looking up to stop them from flowing.

"Sorry for behaving like this," he says apologetically after calming himself, "I'll leave now, as you wish." He turns to face the exit and make his way to the door.

"Don't go," I beg in my shaky, hoarse voice. It's something that I cannot have my mind straight to think about, but something that I can only feel to know it. Right now, right here, I want him by my side, I want him on me, and I want him to know I believe in what he says...

As if my words acts like a spell, his feet are glued to the ground. Slowly, he turns to face me again, "what do you want me to do?" His eyes are miserable, so is his voice.

"Love me," not a pled, not a demand, but a statement, because as much as I want to, he wants it too. I don't wanna lose him now; I'm looking right at the other half of me.

"I couldn't get any bigger," he says as he take a few steps to me, "with anyone else beside of me; and now it's clear as this promise that we're making two reflections into one." I react to his word without any word, but strip off my pants that stopped at my knees.

When love takes over, no word is ever needed. With swift and dexterous movements, he climbs onto my bed. This time, I refuse to hide my agitation when he kneels in between my legs and has his head down.

I moan as he kisses and licks my pubic. I feel the hot dripping liquid of mine mixing with his saliva, right before he swallows it. The man is so confident in what he does, and it's driving me crazy.

With the scent of me filling in his mouth, he kisses all way up to my navel, and then impatiently unbuttons my shirt. His smirks in excitement when he sees there is nothing but my bare skin that lies underneath the shirt.

He buried his head into between my breasts. I feel the tip of his nose attempt to touch my sternum, and succeed for a few times. He moves to the left, closer to my heart, drawing circles on my breast with his tongue. The movements feels so erotic but loving, charging my soul.

It's surprising when he suddenly enters me, while I'm suppressing moans out of the pleasure from his roguish tongue. The hardness dwells deep into me in one shot, I can't help but gasp because of the delightful pain he makes me feel. I'm not ready for it, not at all.

He dumbfounds me again, in a good way.

I didn't even know when he removed his jeans.

He kisses me in everywhere his lips can reach, touches me in everywhere his hands can feel. I am totally burning in the flame of sensation. He thrusts in and out in a rhythmic but rough way; I lose control of myself under him.

I felt small and vulnerable since the day I was born, there's not a thing I could do against any of the war raging in my life. But I had yet to feel this vulnerable, yet contradicting strong, not until I meet him.

I love how dangerously much I rely on this man, how unreasonably deep I believe in him, and how uncontrollably high I desire in him. Due to the irresistible feelings I have in him, I feel so fragile; but now because of his confirmation for sharing the same feeling of mine, I feel so indestructible. All I have is for him, because only he knows the key to own me.

As he is still busy thrusting me, I feel a drop of tear, unknowingly, rolls down from the corner of my eye. I blink, only to feel more tears streaming.

Shinichi moans intensely. His liquid bursts into me, mixing with mine. He continues with his motions, although I can already feel the leaking liquid is wetting my legs as well as the hospital bed. He stops upon hearing my feminine moans sound more and more like sobbing.

"What's wrong?" he whispers into my ear while still in me. He kisses my cheek to comfort me.

I shake my head, smiling; I hear my voice shivers a little as I say, "nothing. I'm just, glad that you're mine."

"Baka..." he plants a kiss on my lips, short but exciting, yet calming, "I'm yours, forever."

He collapses on me, breathing heavily. I love how the hot and hydrating breaths fall behind my ears, how the masculine but gentle arms hold my waist from behind. We share the small, crowded hospital bed for the rest of the night. We fall asleep in each other's existence.

_**Reply to my dear guest reviewer**_

_Someone Else, now I'm back, back for good! Thank you for your compliment, I hope I'm improving, because you see, English isn't my first language and I Google a lot while writing.  
I will definitely have another DC fic, but it will probably take longer time for me to update, because starting from next week, I'll do my pre U. And I have no intention at all to kill Ai-chan, because the fear for death of herself isn't the major part of her suffering, but the fear for death of the ones she cares is._


	9. Chapter 9: Leave Out All the Rest

_Word Count: 1710 words_

_A/N: Once again, it's me with my update._

_Figure out the rest by yourself._

_Hope you like it._

**Chapter 9: Leave Out All the Rest**

The first thing I realize when I wake up, panting heavily with sweats dripping from my forehead and all over my back, is that Shinichi is nowhere to be seen. I glance to the clock on the wall eagerly; it's still 4:45 in the morning, 15 minutes later the doctor will come and check on me. This is what I know from the timetable that lies on my side table.

In a hurry, I dress myself with my clothes left on the lower corner of my bed; apparently, ha had picked them up for me before he left. I don't know what hurts me more, he left, he lied, or I somehow know the reason why he's doing all that. In an anxious pace, I walk out of the door, still panting.

As the seems-to-be endless corridor passes me like blurry image, everything feels more real and vivid to me, like the world is crumbling right in front of my eyes. I recall him calling her name in his dream, I recall the dream that woke me up, and I recall how desperate he looked... I wish I'm just being paranoid now, but that would be a pitiful lie.

The lift at the end of the corridor seems so far away. The illusion makes me half running to reach it. When I approach, I'm the only one in the lift. I attempt to fix my breath, but the effort turns futile. The reflection I see from the steel inner wall is a pale, messy-haired, bandage figure. The warm and humid breath of mine blurs the wary image that I hate to look at. Frustrated, I press hard at the 'G' button; I'm damn sure it's where the lobby located.

"Miss," I try to sound polite despite how tired and despair I am, "can you please check for me which room Mouri Ran is checked in?"

"Sure. Please wait for a while," though astonished to see a mad-looking woman in the patient clothes looking for another patient, the young nurse still shows her profession. With a smile, she types the name I mentioned.

I feel myself biting my lower lip, fighting back the fear of hearing what I expected. The nightmare I had flashes back in my mind, triggering my deadly fear. I have to hide my trembling hands by clenching them into fists, so hard that it hurts.

oOoOoOo

"Go!" she keeps turning her head, yelling to Shinichi who's chasing after her.

From far, I see Ran walks in the sea; the water had reached her shoulder, but she's going further and deeper. Shinichi keeps chasing for her from behind, yet again and again, he's brought to the shore by huge waves. No matter how hard he tries, he cannot go further than his knee length.

I don't know how and why, my feet are glued to the ground, I cannot move even an inch; my throat is muted, not even a hum can escape through it. All I can do is nothing but watch. None of the two noticed my presence.

It is cold and foggy. My teeth are gritting to avoid themselves from trembling. I cannot imagine how frigid it is to be in the water.

Ran keeps stepping further and deeper into the sea, while Shinichi keeps pursuing for her but it turns failure every time. Shinichi cries and begs her not to go, but she refuses and eventually remains silent.

I can only stare, until she disappears from the horizon...

oOoOoOo

"Miss," her long-awaited reply interrupts my thoughts, "there isn't such a patient here today, but she was in ICU room 39 yesterday."

"Any idea where she is?" I feel pure horror that had risen in me. Almost automatically, I lean against the counter so that I don't collapse when I hear what I'm going to hear.

"She had undergone operation for organs transferring last night," the nurse frowns in confuse, "organs donation. That's what the data shows."

My heart skips a bit. Organ donation... I repeat the phrase in my mind, feeling my legs shiver and my stomach cramps.

"I'm sorry," the friendly yet absent-minded nurse says, "I'm afraid the one you're looking for is gone."

Shut up... I know damn well what it means.

Like a lifeless doll, I drag my feet back to my room. Now I understand how it feels to walk in Shinichi's shoes.

Shinichi... His name strikes me.

Can I really forgive how he used me?

Do I hate him for what he did?

And most importantly, has he ever loved me?

"Miss Haibara, the doctor who is about to enter my room spots me, "there you are. Good morning, I'm here to measure your BP."

oOoOoOo

-Shinichi's POV-

"Fucker!" lost my mind, I punch in rage to the pillar that I was leaning on. My rational mind finally snaps, recalling seeing Ai's sweet smile when she falls asleep, when I pretend to sleep.

Dramatically, blood stain left on the pillar like four letter 'I'. My wounded fist slowly relaxed, feeling numb.

What are you fucking scum doing? My mind roars in despair, so loud that I think it's breaking every nerve in me. I bite my lower lip damn hard that I can taste blood.

I recall the moment when the sergeant announced Ran being brain dead and ask for Mouri Kogoro's permission to donate her organs to the people in need. I can never forget how I fell on my knees, losing the thin faith I had, forcing myself to accept the fate branded on my chest.

"You assholes aren't going to try saving her?! And you are fucking telling me bullshit to give her life up?" Mouri Kogoro growl madly, in furious tears and alcoholic scent, at the sergeants and nurses. Though unreasonable and illogic, I want to agree with him badly.

"And it's all because of you, mother fucking scumbag!" I feel a harsh kick on my chest, followed by more, on my stomach, my back, my face, "if it isn't because of you and your bitch, my daughter wouldn't have to go through all this!"

I didn't fight back; in fact I wish I'm beaten to death. I wish I'm the one lying there, hearing the declaration of my brain death, unable to do a thing about it... I owe you my life, Ran.

I think I'm already half-dead if it wasn't because the sergeants and others pull him away to calm him down. I wish with all my heart that they didn't.

I hear a deep, loud and hoarse roar escape from my throat, just moments before I feel my throat dry and in pain. The wind blows vigorously on the balcony; the chillness I feel on my cheeks suggests that I'm crying.

The moment when I know Mouri Kogoro had decided to agree with Ran's organs donation, the operation is already done. Instead of seeing her emptied body, I went seeing Ai, a person whom I know is always there for me when I need.

I didn't know how my need turns physical, even going that far to the point persuading her. But strangely frankly, I can't tell if I'm lying or telling the truth. I don't even know if I love her or simply use her.

All I know, is I can never lose her, my savior.

I take a deep breath to calm my nerves, to regain rationality even a little.

Come to think of it, had I ever loved Ran, or Ai?

Or maybe I am just too foolish to understand love?

Perhaps the only one I love right from the start is no one but myself.

I look at my watch, 4:52am. A moment later, the doctor is going to check on her. Despite of whatever, I need to get her dressed before found naked by somebody else.

As I walk back to Ai's room, I can't help but to think how our future would look like. I'll propose to her, we'll get married, I'll open a detective agency, she'll be a veterinarian, and we'll have children...

I can't decide if my feeling to her is really love, but even if I can't end up living with a person I love, I have to at least live with a person whom I need and understands me.

How selfish...

I am dumbfounded to find Ai isn't in her room. She could be gone looking for me when she realized I'm not there with her. The question is what makes her, a patient who definitely needs rest, wakes up at so early?

Immediately, I turn to the outside to start looking for her. To my consternation, a doctor, in her mask, is already standing at the door, about to enter.

Just as I walk to her to tell her I'll look for Ai, I feel my mind faints and my vision blurs. Damn it! That's why she's wearing a mask! Why hadn't I suspect that? But it's too late, I am already on my knees, feeling my consciousness strains away. I cannot even cry for help.

It is probably an odorless gas that puts people into sleep and at the same time mutes them. I can only deduce that it's emitted when I came in, because the door was left open when I entered. But it's this strong and concentrated to work in such a short time... It can only be...

The 'doctor' raises a gun and shoots. She is probably using a silencer, a really high technologized silencer, because not even a hiss is heard. This confirms my deduction, and fear rises in me.

A bugging pain is felt from my right shoulder. The shooter doesn't intend to cause my death in one shot; my death will come shortly though, after my blood is drained away slowly.

Ai... I can only pray you'll be safe. When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done, help me leave behind some reasons to be missed. And when you're feeling empty, keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest.

I have a feeling, there is no chance of winning against the one walking towards me, and I am really going to meet Ran in heaven, if I'm not going to hell.

**Reply to dear guest reviewer:**

Someone else, lust is the direct reflection of a person's inner thoughts and feelings in my opinion. Hope this chapter explains the last chapter. And I have to agree with you, it's pathetic, but isn't it just human nature, unexplainable and illogical?

Shinichi has an infamous, there is only one truth. But sometimes, we humans are too blind to see the truth. Or perhaps, the truth sometimes doesn't exist at all.

Thank you!


	10. Chapter 10: Skyfall

**Life, Her Hell That Holds Love**

_Word Count: 3050 words_

_A/N: Sorry for this belated update. I'm kind of busy with some other things and I just had my monthly test. I know it's cruel to leave you guys a huge cliffhanger like that for this long, so I'm giving you guys an extra-long chapter. Hope it'll make up._

_By the way, there is a VERY special guest (perhaps two, it depends on personal prospective) in this chapter. Unexpected plot is guaranteed!_

_Thanks for continuing support! R&R Please!_

_And here we are, back to Ai's POV._

**Chapter 10: Skyfall**

As if my day is getting worse, the male doctor falls backward into my arms as I enter the room; a cry is barely heard as he falls. I am annoyed to his sudden fall that makes me lose my balance and fall as well, until I see blood oozing out from where his heart lies. I move his body aside to see mine stained with his crimson blood.

My still functioning logic mind tells me to look up to see what is happening, but deep down I know I shouldn't. Instead, I should just let my reflective reaction takes over and run. A suddenly approaching strong aura freezes me just as I was about to get up and run away.

"Move a finger and lover boy will die," a cold, emotionless yet demanding female voice comes closer, together with the crisp sound of heels in slow pace. A pair of shining black stilettos slowly enters my field of vision; I can't bring myself to look up who's the owner.

"It can't be..." I heard myself whisper quietly yet heavily under my breath. That aura... That voice... I can't help but shiver, and it's getting worse as she comes closer. Before crouching in front of me, she closes and locks the door carefully. This is the end...

"Surprise," I'm at the edge when she holds my chin and forces me to look at her. She looks exactly like Vermouth! Exactly! My senses remind me that Vermouth is already dead, and the one wearing a white coat, crouching, smiling in front of me is an older version. I can feel the aura she emits is much more dangerous than Vermouth's.

Noticing the doubt in my frown, her smile broadens, "I see, you are indeed very bright. Frankly speaking, I'm not Vermouth, at least not the one you have in your mind," I tense as I listen, having a feeling that whoever she is, she is a worse nightmare compared to Vermouth.

"I'm That Person's wife," the seemingly harmless beam fractures my mind. I can't help but to hold my breath.

I can't react to her words at all, knowing not a reaction is needed and none of any can lead to any good. She stands up and walks away slowly; I'm glad she's no longer in my tunnel vision, until I find out her motive. Behind where she was crouching, Shinichi is lying unconsciously on the floor; a pool of blood forming under his shoulder.

"Shi... Shinichi..." I manage to say, though meaningless, while my lips and teeth are trembling badly. I almost feel tears welling up in my eyes, almost. I know, despite how unbearable the pain seeing the only one left for me is suffering, I cannot show it, not in front of her. I don't want to give her that pleasure; besides, I need to stay sensible for whatever's coming next.

Feeling her studying gaze fixed on me, I suppress my fear and ask, "What do you want from me?"

"Me? No, I don't need anything from you, my dear. It's just that," her pause feels like eternity before the judgement day falls. She leans closer to me and says into my ear, "That Person wants every traitor dead."

"Then kill me," I was astonished by my own bravery, "why make the others suffer?"

"Interesting," she murmurs, amusement is clearly shown as she raises one of her eyebrows. "You see, unlike That Person, I believe in second chances. I'm here to give you a chance, not taking anything away from you. In fact I've given more second chances than necessary to Vermouth, though she was stubborn and still go against orders."

"And your brilliant mind is too valuable for the organisation to lose, not to mention plenty of million dollar projects are suspended because of your absent. But I do know that it is almost impossible to make you work under the BO again, unless, we have something you treasure the most as an exchange."

"So, do you want to see those who you hold dear suffer because of you?" Once again, her icy cold finger tips touch my chin and make me look into her eyes. I frown, not because of the disgusting sensation, but her word 'those'.

As if she's able to see through me, she says indifferently, "just to confirm your suspicion, we have Professor Agasa tied in his house, and men tailing your little friends."

I gasp. No... Why am I the one who get everyone I care suffering because of me? Why can't I bear all the punishment because of what I've done instead of letting others? Ran... I don't want any other dies because of me...

Shinichi panting in his unconscious state reminds me of something, the reason... Why did I run away? Because I know what I did for the BO is wrong. Why did Shinichi and Professor Agasa help me despite how bad I was? It's because they don't want me to go back to the wrong path other than to make sure my wellbeing.

"What's your decision?" she asks again, smiling gently, almost genuinely. The wrinkles at her eyes deepen a little.

I need to say no but I can't. Shinichi's life, Professor Agasa's safety and the Detective Boys' wellbeing are dependent on my decision after all... I know they'll want me to say no, neglecting themselves, but I can't bring myself to harm anyone any more, especially them.

"Ca... Can you explain something to me before that?" I say absently, in the hope to buy more time. Perhaps Akai or Jodie and the FBI or CIA or WHOEVER has kept an eye on me or her for whatever reason, and knows what is about to happen and will soon come to save us.

Besides, I really want somebody to tell me what the hell everything means. I thought That Person was arrested, together with the entire BO...

"Wrong answer," the woman sneers as she takes out her cell phone to make a call. "Beat that old fart. Don't be too harsh; make sure he's still alive."

"Don't!" I yell, feeling my pupils dilate in fear. Feeling my cheeks ache in agony, I realize I've been slapped, hard. Despite what she just did to me, her gaze is still as cold as stone.

"Would you mind to shut up?" Keeping her politeness that seems no more than mere cold blooded, she continues, "If you can't, I'll have to ask my men to kill anyone who hear a thing. You know, I don't mind, but it's a little troublesome."

I hold back a swear word forming in my throat, knowing the more I struggle, more innocents would be involved and eventually lose their lives. Silence seems to be the best resolution when nothing verbal can be right.

I can't help but gasp when the cell phone is suddenly held near to my ears. I hear punches and slaps and kicks and... Professor Agasa groans and yelps in agony. "Please, stop..." I plead, hearing my voice low and shaky. I pray with all my might that the woman I'm facing would be merciful.

"Enough," she gives her order through the phone, apparently pleased to see me begging. Putting her cell phone back to her white coat, she holds my chin once again, fixing her gaze to my now aquiver eyes.

"Very well, I see you've finally learn to obey," that woman smirks in victory; I wish I have the strength to look away, or to look bold, but I can't do neither of them. I fail to conquer the fear that stained me. She studies her wristwatch a while, then turns to me and says, "We still have time I see. So, in return, I shall answer your qualms."

"You know... my qualms?" I ask out of uncertainty, and I immediately realize what an absurd question I've asked. Of course, she knows. What had ever escaped from the BO's knowing for long? The more important question should be, time, for what?

"Hng," a low hum escaped from her throat, ignoring my pointless question, she started, "Vermouth, was my codename, until it's taken by her. My real name, is Sharon Vineyard, while hers, naturally, would be Chris Vineyard. She is my daughter though our relationship is not how the traditional definition of mother-and-daughter."

"She was the product of biological experiment; in short, she was a clone," noticing my doubtful expression, nonchalantly, she continues, "So we share nothing in common other than 100% identical DNA. To be accurate, she was the only successful experiment after many. She's fortunate to have all her limbs and organs in place, and her intelligence level and physical abilities competent to mine."

Can't help of it, I shiver. For the first time in my life, I feel sorry for Vermouth. She is merely an experiment... No, Sharon Vineyard thinks her as nothing more than a guinea pig that inherits her DNA. Almost in a blink of eye, I am aware of the reason behind her hatred towards me... The reason fated and related to...

"Your parents, Atsushi Miyano and Elena Miyano, the most capable scientists in the organisation, I doubt, the world, back then, were the ones who carried out the experiment. I voluntarily offer my DNA to be used, approved by That Person. This can't be help, since this is the highest secrecy that needs to be kept among the four of us. Up until now, no one other than the dead and That Person and me know."

"Somehow, Vermouth managed to find out. I don't know how she managed and when, but the two most brilliant minds in the organisation were then killed in a forged accident. I pretended not to know about her deed, even covering her from That Person. You know, it's just too interesting to study how an identical being like me would do under that kind of situations."

"Apparently, she is not entirely the same like me. She's gone too far when pursuing you. Instead of reporting her findings about you, the missing scientist who should be executed, she wanted you suffering and tortured and caused dead by her. I did some investigation privately, and figured you were shrinked by APTX, so was that infamous detective."

"Personally, I approached to Vermouth and made a deal with her. She could do whatever she wanted to you, but only after you finish the projects that you left. This is, of course, for the sake of the organisation. But I had miscalculated and overlooked one thing, Vermouth didn't only want you dead, she wanted the BO end as well."

"In the end, she was used to trick the police officers and intelligence. The tracker she left was indeed in the temporary hideout of BO, but all the people left there were the loyal underlings who sworn to sacrifice for the organisation. One of them even claimed to be That Person, and made confession of the crimes KNOWN to be done by BO, while the real mastermind was still planning more crimes against the governments of hundreds of countries."

"Sherry," studying my lifeless face, the doppelganger says, "the reason I'm telling you all these, is because we need your full cooperation with us." She then points me to Shinichi who is still lying unconscious, bleeding heavily, "If you want to put an end to their suffering, just nod."

I clench my fists, hopelessness befalls. Why isn't anyone coming yet? Where is Akai? Where is the FBI? Or the CIA? Or just ANYONE?

Oh, busily interrogating the fake boss...

At the edge of despair, I nod; though reluctant, I nod. I know the only thing to do in order to keep everyone safe if to give in. I never leave my gaze from Shinichi... Oh, Shinichi! He'll be very disappointed with this, but that's the only thing I can do. Does it matter if it's right or wrong, anymore?

The right side never sided with me anyway...

"Uhm? Just like that? You give up just like that?" out of the blue, an unfamiliar voice is heard right beside me. Both Sharon Vineyard and I are dumbfounded, immediately turning to check the source of the voice.

"Why looking at me like that?" the other lying body in the room creeps up, the other body... which received the shot that should had killed him, "I'm not dead yet."

That mischievous smirk on that face... Why do I feel like I know it?

"Who the hell are you?" the forever-amused and know-it-all sneer on the woman's face disappears. Apparently, she's learnt the lesson that the 'doctor' is wearing a bulletproof vest, the gun she held is now pointing at his forehead, "Move a finger, you're as good as dead."

"Me? Call me the Magician of the Moonlight, ma'am."

-Kaito's POV-

"Me? Call me the Magician of the Moonlight, ma'am." I am pleased to see that woman get a little bewildered by my words, as the confident sneer fades away at once.

Good. Show your fangs behind that fake smile already, killer!

"What on earth you are doing here?" she composes herself once again, together with her feigned smile. In fact she's more aware of her position now, which probably makes her grasps the gun tighter. She should be, after all, I swore, she'd end up nowhere but jail, if not, hell, when I finally encounter her.

"Part of it, is because the detective-kun lying on the floor," I pause, reminded once again of the findings about my father's death that I can never forget, "But the real reason I'm here gladly fighting against you, is your unforgiveable crimes. I bet, the name of my late father, Toichi Koruba, sounds nostalgic to you."

"You, The Forum, are the one who gave the order to have my father killed," without giving her the chance to reply, I manage to finish my sentence without a hint of emotion.

-Kaito's flashback-

-2 days ago-

"Kaito," a voice that I once known to be cocky and lively called me via the phone, in a weak and hoarse manner, "I need your help." Not the usual you-are-in-debt tone. Things must have gone wrong.

"Say it," I answered straight away, without any teasing. In any case, he had not exchange information with me for two days. After telling me Vermouth broke into his house, two days went by without answering my calls and messages was just unnatural and suspicious.

"I'm at Beika Hospital right now," I raised an eyebrow, surprised at my level of concern for his wellbeing, "It is difficult for me to keep an eye to trace the organisation right now," before I was able to give my opinion, he stole my thunder, "I assume you have heard the BO members together with That Person were arrested, but I suspect he was just a counterfeit."

"I suspect that too, but like you, I have no proof," I knew he wouldn't be doing nothing if he could already prove it, "while tracing Snake and the others, I found they're acting suspiciously active and organized. This is the hint that The Forum is still alive and giving orders behind the curtains."

I still found the unusual codename amusing but strangely fit for the mastermind. By chance, I figured the codename of the unknown mastermind 10 days ago, and immediately contacted Shinichi Kudou, the great detective once known as Edogawa Conan. We were more frequently in aid of each other after our real identities became no secret to the other.

"The Forum..." I remembered hearing his analysis over the phone, "The Forum... Vermouth! The Forum is Vermouth! It has to be her!" Ignoring my complain about his arrogant tone, he continued, "When the letter are swept in their orders, Vermouth, can be spelled as 'the vorum'. And Japanese often mispronounce 'v' as 'f'. Automatically, it'll be heard as 'the forum'."

"But she has to be dead already..." the uncomfortable silence over the phone makes me feeling even more uneasy.

"Anyway, what do you want me to do?" Skipping the usual teasing, I just went straight to the point.

"Keep an eye on the hospital especially room 37 and 291, report to me immediately if you find a trace of suspicious people," he ordered. His voice that was becoming even huskier suggested that his condition is bad.

"Which room are you staying in?" I inquired, assuming he's injured badly and staying in one of the two.

"None," he replied briefly.

"Then who are the ones staying in the two rooms?" raising an eyebrow, I asked out of pure curiousity.

"Ran and Ai respectively," hesitated a little, he answered.

"Oh," what could I say more? Lover boy is in a huge trouble.

"And here are two persons who you should keep in touch with," the sudden change of topic startled me a little, "Akai Shuichi, Jodie Starling, FBI. I'll send you their contact information."

"FBI?" I frowned, why should I get involved with them? But almost on the spot, I changed my mind, it just can't be helped. And I have enough trust in detective-kun; he must have made a promise with that Akai-san or Miss Starling to not investigate my background.

"Yes," he insisted, "the two are the only ones in the police forces that agree with my point of view and willingly aid us in our investigation personally.

Well, am I in the middle watching a FBI movie? Why are they taking things personally? But consider Kudou-kun's charm, it is explainable.

"All right then," considering the possibility and the need to tease him, I added, "If the two rooms are broken in by suspicious people at the same time, who do you want me to save?"

"Both," he said in hurry, hanging up the phone. I see, I just added his burden.

-End of flashback-

"I'm impressed," that woman exclaims, her stone-cold eyes glimmer in the desire to kill me at once, "But you hold nothing against me, and your bad timing got on my nerves."

"Really? I apologise for that. Anyway, I'm pretty sure you would change your mind after you see this," grinning in confidence and victory, I get my cell phone out of my pocket, with my gaze glued to the now frowning Sherry Vineyard.

**Reply to Dear Guest Reviewers:**

_Someone Else,_

_I hope this chapter gives you hope that our beloved Ai would stay safe and sound. Sadly, we all know how Conan will end up being with Ran in DC. It's indeed ironic how a person whom you're expected to hate understand you the best and makes you want to protect her so desperately. But again, that is the stupidity or flaw or whatever you call it in human being that makes a human, human._

_Lust is the best reflection of one's inner desire after all :)_

_So do I. Thank you!_

_Grace Chin aka Guava,_

_Being personally closed to me you know exactly how erotic I am. Mwahaha~ Thank you anyway for reading and reviewing! More to come (not cum) in the next chapter! _


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